The Double Take

Today, I read a post from a diary of a mom about some ugly, ugly things that someone said in reference to autistics.  I’m not going to get into that.  She did a fantastic job, but it made me think.  A lot.

My girl in her ladybug costume and cowgirl boots
123autismstreet.wordpress.com

My first thought to speak up about my baby girl is that autism is one of the things that make her beautiful.  In her whole 5 years of life I have seen her see things so differently than I do.  She’s so incredibly smart and enthusiastic about the things she loves. She has one of the most beautiful minds I’ve ever seen.  She thinks outside of the box.  In fact, she has a whole different box that she’s thinking outside of.

I’ve found that even the most beautiful people I’ve seen will make me do a double take.  You know, when you see someone that strikes enough interest to make you want to look again.  I don’t find that with people who are cookie cutter pretty.  The cookie cutter girls are the ones that are almost carbon copies of whatever celebs they want to emulate.  The hair, tan, makeup, clothes…we’ve seen it all before.  Then, someone comes along and is her own person.  She’s a trend setter or someone with features we don’t see everyday.  She makes you want to take a second look.  It’s a beauty we can appreciate.

That’s the way I see my girl.  There’s nothing cookie cutter about her.  Everything she does makes me do a double take.  Why? Because it’s worth the second look.  She’s double take beautiful from the inside out.

Labels

My precious daughter with autism being fabulous
123autismstreet.wordpress.com

So much has happened since my daughter was diagnosed with ASD a little over a year ago.  October 2013 to be exact.  I went through so many different emotions I felt like a nut case.  I went through about a million different “what happens when” and “what if” scenarios.  I didn’t help that there is a waiting list just about everywhere that feels like an ocean between you and the help you want for your kid you love so much.

One of the feelings that I didn’t expect to feel was guilt.  Not that she had autism.  I don’t believe I could have done anything different.  I felt guilty because I was relieved when they had a name for all of the things we didn’t understand.  It was a starting point.  It was an answer to all of the questions we had been having.  Even though the word autism kind of knocked the breath out of me, it also brought relief that we didn’t have to keep searching for answers.  We knew what was going on, and where to look for answers.  Well, sort of.

Using the word autism was so difficult at first.  I was afraid of how she would be treated if people were to find out.  I wanted to protect her.  Over time, I realized that autism gives her so much to be proud of as well.  As a family, we decided to take ownership of labels like autism and therapy.  We decided that those were ours and we would teach her to use them correctly.  We wanted to teach her that she doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of.  We are proud her no matter what and she should be as well.  There’s nothing about her I need to hide because I’m not ashamed.