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My precious daughter with autism being fabulous
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So much has happened since my daughter was diagnosed with ASD a little over a year ago.  October 2013 to be exact.  I went through so many different emotions I felt like a nut case.  I went through about a million different “what happens when” and “what if” scenarios.  I didn’t help that there is a waiting list just about everywhere that feels like an ocean between you and the help you want for your kid you love so much.

One of the feelings that I didn’t expect to feel was guilt.  Not that she had autism.  I don’t believe I could have done anything different.  I felt guilty because I was relieved when they had a name for all of the things we didn’t understand.  It was a starting point.  It was an answer to all of the questions we had been having.  Even though the word autism kind of knocked the breath out of me, it also brought relief that we didn’t have to keep searching for answers.  We knew what was going on, and where to look for answers.  Well, sort of.

Using the word autism was so difficult at first.  I was afraid of how she would be treated if people were to find out.  I wanted to protect her.  Over time, I realized that autism gives her so much to be proud of as well.  As a family, we decided to take ownership of labels like autism and therapy.  We decided that those were ours and we would teach her to use them correctly.  We wanted to teach her that she doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of.  We are proud her no matter what and she should be as well.  There’s nothing about her I need to hide because I’m not ashamed.

Diagnosis

This is my story about receiving my daughters diagnosis of ASD in October 2013. One of the great things that happened because of being open about it is I was put in contact with so many wonderful families that could relate. I am so thankful for those amazing people.

I just sat down long enough to let it sink in. Autism. I’ve heard that word a million times, but hearing it from Layla’s pediatrician knocked the breath out of me. There are so many emotions I’ve felt in the last few weeks that I can’t even begin to describe them. I’ve gone all the way from feeling like a bad parent, to relief that there’s an answer, to wondering if she will ever enjoy things like a normal kid, and even feeling stupid that I didn’t know sooner. Today I’m grateful we have a starting point. We have direction on how to help our precious little girl. My beautiful baby girl’s brain just works different than ours.

There are so many things I have to learn. I feel so overwhelmed and want to learn everything I can like yesterday.

I’ve been reading the blog “a diary of a mom” written by a mother of an autistic child. Her words have inspired me. The link below is one that she wrote about the label itself. It really changed my perspective on it. When we first started the diagnostic process I was so fearful for people to find out. I thought people would judge her. I’m sure there are people out there who will, but being open about it has brought more understanding and has helped us find out that we aren’t alone.

I don’t want my daughter to ever think that I am ashamed of her. I couldn’t be prouder of her. She is different and has a very special way of viewing the world. She is facing challenges, but anything awesome usually comes with challenges. I think she’s got a whole lot of awesome coming.

123autismstreet.wordpress.com

I posted this photo this summer when she was in swimming lessons. I was mortified that out of 12 kids she was the only one that wouldn’t listen to the teachers and actually participate in the class. Looking at the picture again I see a really happy kid that’s probably wondering why the heck all the other kids are sitting on the side of a perfectly good pool. No, she’s not really doing what she’s supposed to, but today I’m ok with it. We will get there. In the meantime I think it’s ok to get off the wall and splash a little bit. She isn’t worried about what we think. She was just enjoying the moment.